Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize