Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
