You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
