I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
