Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
