Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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