I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
