There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize