My nipple is on Facebook.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
