I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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