You're my little dorito
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
