I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
