So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
only you would photoshop your dick
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Send help, water and tortillas.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
