I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
