the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
