this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
