is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
