Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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