Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
