The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You can't special order awesome
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
