I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize