FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
