his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
