great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
