Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
