oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
