Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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