Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
