i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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