i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
