its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
