Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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