I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
