I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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