She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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