i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
