Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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