I can tuck mytits in my pants
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
