theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We need to rekindle our bromance
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
