There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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