I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
