Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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