we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
