Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
