so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
