When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize