it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
