I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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