I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
