I want you more than these girls want KFC
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
