things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
