porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
