My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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