I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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