thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
