Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
