Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
