im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
