I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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