You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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