you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
