that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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