I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
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