guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
