I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
