ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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