if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize