my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Randomize
