My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
