I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
