I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my being single is dangerous.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
