walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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