I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
