A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
