check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hippo gnu deer
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize